My ringtone is one of the reasons I'm still single

My ringtone is one of the reasons I’m still single. No jokes!
I strongly remember the day I would have “caught” man. Kai! Fine boy! He was jogging towards me that morning.
Me too, I was walking in my running shoes with earphones plugged to my ears, praying in tongues with Rev Funkẹ Adejumo on YouTube.
As I saw uncle, na so I off the prayer, come begin smile like roasted goat. For once, I didn’t want any christian tag. Just wanted to be an ordinary girl.
“Hi I’m Frank. Can we walk together?”
“Sure! Why not? Btw, my name is Ayo….omo! I was star struck.
“So, I’m a medical doctor by profession and I do this every morning. You?”
“I’m a content writer. And I….
Immediately, one of my alarms rang out; “Shalabarakoshketiada. Empreketeketekete Zjeketetekete… Ọmọ! Wicked tongues by Apostle Joshua Selman! Fine boy almost fainted. Me too, I didn’t hexpererit.
I pulled my phone from my pocket, and dismissed the alarm.
“Wow! That’s one violent alarm. Fanatic much?”
I laughed. Didn’t have an answer.
We jogged in silence. When we were done, he asked for my number. Then said our goodbyes… But he never called.
I felt bad. Wishing I hadn’t gone all spiritual on him. I blamed myself and my phone for days.
Newsflash: That ship has sailed. Everyday, as I grow in my walk with Christ, I understand that the man who frowns at my spirituality, is exactly the kind of man I don’t want to be with.
I have gone beyond ringtones to reading my bible in BRTs, declaring the scriptures as I walk down the streets, praying in tongues in transit with my earphones on, singing spiritual songs as I shop, etc. Everywhere na my constituency now.
Do people stare at me? Oh, Yes! In the weirdest of ways sef. But who cares? If Jesus wasn’t ashamed to hang naked for me on the cross, kini big deal?
Besides, if same people aren’t afraid to smoke on the road, fight, and do all sorts of funny things, why should I be?
Ọmọ! Na where I no supposed dey, I wan begin dey now. Lobatan!

© Penocrat Ayomide Kindness

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