Courtship is a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is God’s will for them to marry each other. Under the protection, guidance, and blessing of parents or mentors, the couple concentrates on developing a deep friendship that could lead to marriage, as they discern their readiness for marriage and God’s timing for their marriage. (See Proverbs 3:5–7.)
Courtship is a choice to avoid temptation and experience the blessings of purity. It is a choice to not emotionally give away your heart, piece by piece, to many others through casual dating relationships and instead to give your whole heart to your life partner.
It is a choice to wait for God’s best, for His glory. It is a decision to walk by faith, to trust in God, to honor others above yourself, and to believe that God will deal bountifully with you, because He is love. (See II Corinthians 5:7, Psalm 9:10, Romans 12:10, Psalm 13, and I John 4:8.)
Because each individual, family, and set of circumstances is unique, each courtship will be unique. While those who choose courtship will hold to general guidelines for the relationship, their specific choices about when, where, and how to court may differ according to their needs and circumstances.
If, during the courtship, one or both parties realize that marriage is not God’s will and they end the relationship, the courtship has not failed. On the contrary, the courtship was successful, because God gave the direction that was sought through it.
Although the termination of a courtship most likely will be painful, damage and hurt—which can lead to bitterness—can be avoided. Both parties, as well as their families and all the people who love them, should continue to trust in the Lord and accept the grace He gives to deal with any disappointment or unfulfilled hopes. (See Romans 5:1–5.)
“Let love be without dissimulation [be sincere]. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another” (Romans 12:9–10).
It is a blessing to have a spouse who believes in your God, who believes in you, who believes in your vision and who believes in your future.
It is a blessing to have a partner that is ready to walk the journey with you; a partner who is not ashamed to identify with your period of PROCESS.
It is a bigger blessing when you are such partner.
10 THINGS YOU MUST DISCUSS IN COURTSHIP:
1. WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO LIVE AFTER WEDDING? Compulsory! So the guy won’t drag you back to his father’s house or squat with a friend. Discuss the type of apartment: a room, room and parlour, a mini flat, 2 bedroom flat, 3 bedroom, duplex, complex, whatever, talk, thoroughly. Don’t forget to discuss how rent will be paid. If he has built his house and you are moving in, excellent.
2. WILL YOU HAVE BABIES IMMEDIATELY OR YOU WILL WAIT? Discuss thoroughly. If you will wait, find out the best family planning method that will suit your body. Not all injections and pills are suitable for you. Withdrawal is not advisable for first time sex on honeymoon likewise condom. First sex should be done with abandon and also get used to each other’s bodies especially as virgins. Singles who are sexually active right now are digging their marital grave. If you are already having sex like mad and taking family planning pills as a single lady, it is a big shame and a disgrace to womanhood. Marry with dignity. Save sex till your wedding night.
3. HOW WILL BILLS BE PAID?
Who will pay the rent, take care of bills and groceries? Is it the man? The woman or both of you? At how many percentage if it is a joint responsibility? 50/50? 80/20? 60/40? Discuss.
4. WILL ANY FAMILY MEMBER LIVE WITH YOU AFTER WEDDING? Discuss. Who and who will live with you? Why? For how long? Can you cope having a family live with you immediately after honey moon? Can your type of accommodation allow such? It is not advisable for the opposite sex sibling to live with you after honey moon in a room apartment. It is more dangerous if it is the wife’s very mature younger sister. Use your head!
5. WILL YOUR WIFE WORK OR STAY AT HOME AS A FULL TIME HOUSE WIFE? Discuss. It is not good for anyone to stay idle. Eve was idle when the serpent came to deceive her! Many local gossips and over talkative, quarrelsome women are idle. If she can’t go to work, she can do business from home and make some money for herself.
6. WHAT IS YOUR VISION? This should be the number one on the list. Very important. If she wants to be a world renowned neuro surgeon and you want her to assist you in your full time ministry. You are looking for serious trouble. Your vision should tally. Don’t make the same mistake some great men of God made, talk!
7. WHAT ARE YOUR YEARLY GOALS? You should set goals every year and work towards achieving them. What are your yearly goals for the next five years? Discuss.
8. HOW MANY PERCENTAGE OF YOUR INCOME WILL YOU SAVE MONTHLY AND FOR WHAT PURPOSE? Talk!
9. WHICH CHURCH WILL YOU BE ATTENDING AFTER WEDDING? The guy’s church, yours or another denomination entirely? Thoroughly discuss and come to an agreement.
10. WHO ARE YOU? Empty yourself. Your family background, past mistakes, bodily defects, etc so somebody won’t die of shock in marriage when certain revelations begin to swim in in torrents. Many never recover from the shock! Some divorce from honey moon and never reconnect for life!
So, there you go!
There are more important things to discuss but these are the major ones time permit me to share.
May your marriage be sweet!
Thanks for reading. Pls share to bless someone, God bless your heart.