As A Pastor, You Cannot Love People More Than How They Love Themselves – Pastor Japheth Joseph

Pastor Japheth Joseph
Pastor Japheth Joseph


Some years back precisely late 2018
I learnt something quite painful but true which am about to share with you


This lady came to me for counselling over a guy she was in a relationship with and the guy had been beating her and raining all sorts of verbal abuses on her and her family at the time she was even pregnant and he forced her to commit an abortion, it was a day after the abortion she came into my office to see me .


I counselled her pouring my heart to her about how much God loves her so much as to have her stay in such a painful, demeaning Relationship that he has greater plans for her and she should get herself together, this was not to condemn her at the same time we didn’t condone the behaviour. What’s more, as a local church just starting we took it upon ourselves to rally around her with resources and emotional commitment discreetly to have her strengthened.

Fast forward to three weeks later, sister is now back stronger and I noticed her absence in service as well as avoidance of my calls so I got to see her in a month time come back to me in church office – Pastor Japheth, am sorry you really didn’t hear from me, truth is me and bro xyz are back together .

“I love him & I can’t do without him, yes he may beat me but I just love him that way and I’ve even moved in with him pastor. Thank you for all you and the church did and have been doing for me, i have moved on with him…”

Just right there, i learnt a very sincere but painful lesson and that lesson is as a pastor;
you can’t cry more than the bereaved in a funeral service else you become a suspect
You cannot love people more than how they love themselves.


While it’s okay to pray, teach, counsel, correct and instruct them as a minister eventually that is all we can do…
The further attempt I made by sending church members to reach out to her was received as emotional blackmail, she sent us varied threats so much that I had to encourage the brethren that were reaching out to her that;

Eventually every man decides how they will receive your instructions and counsel while some come after they have already made their decision before they met you, others just came to receive momentary support- either ways, don’t take it personal, if they can disregard God, who are you?

For every minister reading this , I’ll like to encourage you that you are not alone, always stay blessed and fulfilled in the fact that you did not withhold the whole counsel of God from people regardless of what decisions they finally settle for.


Hope this Blessed you?
God is glorified, have a wonderful week.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s